Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
jump out the window naked night went bad
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
