Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
