just come out here and I will go home with you...
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
