Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
