i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize