i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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