I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
