Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
