kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
