Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize