Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i think i have two assholes
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize