You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
