I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
