Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
