they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
