butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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