If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
