You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
