i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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