a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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