I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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