god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
