fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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