well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
