I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
