I'm jealous of your bromance
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
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