This is not my ceiling
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize