wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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