Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize