ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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