cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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