this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
