Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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