you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
