I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
