Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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