You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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