In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
