Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Just pee around me
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm both gender and math confused
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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