i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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