i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
