I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
