Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I need a hoe opinion
go on
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
This toilet bowl is my home.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize