listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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