i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I can't turn off my feet"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
