Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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