mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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