Barsexuality is the new black.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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