It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i think i scared a bird with my dick
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
