Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just gift wrapped bread.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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