i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
