I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
