xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Is it because I queefed?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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