YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
