he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
