Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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