Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize