Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
