My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
