Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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