So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
