bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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