I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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