one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
My ATM looks so different sober.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize