i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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