the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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