Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
