kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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