erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
