while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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