i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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