Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guiltš
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
iām just listening to christina aguileraās āyour bodyā on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Heās 21. The president of his frat. Iām 28 and have a career!
Do it. Itās a noble position.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that sheās hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
