So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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