Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
