I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
