girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I could fuck to npr.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
