so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
