I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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