i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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